nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
