If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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