I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think i have two assholes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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