Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
