I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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