I wish life had little blips of pornography
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
