I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
