oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
