I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
