What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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