woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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