I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
