Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
