I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
false alarm. still invincible.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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