I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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