maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
