so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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