Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just puked most of my soul out..
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