I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need to calm my uterus...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
