I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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