I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Someone came in the potted fern
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize