bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
