I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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