i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
