Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
