dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
