Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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