i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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