My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
