Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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