I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
