why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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