Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
