If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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