My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
