**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
