im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize