as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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