Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
