Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
