i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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