i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
time to smoke my breakfast
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
