I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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