I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
