I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize