my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
