I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
