I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
