I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
