She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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