she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize