I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
