i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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