Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
