My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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