4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
