don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
