i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
