haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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