You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
