Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
