i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
