so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
