she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize