so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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