I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
