Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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